bloody cold....

well, I have nothing against cold weather..
in fact, I love cold weather..
it's just I seem to catch cold every season...

gosh, I can't breathe properly..

anyway, it's so cold, and I'm so down..
I can't seem to concentrate...
I know I should be studying for this exam that's in about 2 weeks..
but guess what.. well, I haven't exactly been studying ..
that's what..

anyways.. I should probably hit the sack now..
have to wake up at 5am..
to go and teach this CEO that I've been teaching for the past 2 months.
He's pretty good actually, and talkative too..
So it does make it easier on me.

Oh, yeah.. I almost forgot...
I should finish reading "Mrs. Dalloway"..
It really is a pain.. but nevertheless.. I should finish it before Sunday.

Sooooo delighted...

So I got back in touch with a friend, Betyshia,
that I've longed to get back in touch with for such a long time..
It was so nice to talk to her again, though it was on a messenger.

It was really hard to find her, I could tell you that..
and I tried to find her contact info for several years now,
never dreamed I'd really find the right person.
But I did in the end.. =)
Good thing that I never gave up looking for her :)
"It was REALLY nice to talk to you again, Betyshia!"

another big news ...
A good friend of mine is getting married coming Monday.
It's a bit of a shock, cus I just heard about it today..
He's half way around the world..
But this I really want to say..
"CONGRATULATIONS TAZ!!! Hope you're happy forever and ever"
and sorry I can't be there for ya and attend your wedding..
I would have if I could.. but I can't..

well, it's bed time for me..
better hit the sack...

DECEMBER!!!

OMG!!!!!
It's already the second day of December..
which means we have 29days left till 2006.

so.. November wasn't really a good month for me..
though I'm hoping this month will be better.
And it's the last month of 2005..
so it better be good...

use of the www

Now this just shows how we're accustomed to using the web

these days..

Marriage

A friend of mine got married yesterday.
She looked very beautiful.
Just can't really believe that she actually got married though.
It feels so unreal.
Though right now, she's probably on the islands with her husband enjoying their honeymoon.

The wedding was quite different from what I had imagined it'd be.
But it was alright.

I just hope that she'll be able to keep in touch even though she's married now.

the unexpected

I think what people dread the most is the unexpected.
(Well, at least it is so in my case)

the unexpected....

I feel that I've been faced with unexpected things quite too often recently.

When I was little, like every other little girls, I used to dream of living a life that you see so often in the movies.
Those dramatic but happy lifes that everyone seem to lead inside the big screen.

Maybe, I wished too hard.
Maybe, I envied too much.

Life, is full of drama, without the wishful thinking of having drama added to it.

But what can I say?
I am a dreamer.
I always have been and I probably always will be.

And then again, Life is also filled with unexpected things.
It's never planned, nor could it be followed by every plan you make.
I learned it the hard way.

Besides being a dreamer, I'm also a planner.
Yes, I still plan things out, but not like I used to.
Which, by the way, is a very good improvement.

Planning things and then having to change your plan because of the things that happen unexpectedly will get you down..
It's like building a tower of blocks and then it crashing down.

However, the unexpected is part of life.
And being able to deal with it is another part of it.

ch-ch-change..

I thought I needed the change..
So, what do you think?

Well, I like it..
It's definitely brighter..

headache, headache...

okay, so I've been getting these big headaches lately..
And today is the worst...
Maybe it's the cold weather.. the sudden change of temperature..
no.. I don't really believe it is..

It could be the book that I'm reading..
Only that it puts me straight to sleep than giving me any headache..
I love to read.. and it just amazes me how slow I can be in reading a book.
I mean.. it's only about a hundred and sixty pages long.
I know it's small print and all but still... it's a short book. Don't you think?
I never was a big fan of the author..
and I could tell you straight that I never liked reading her books..
But I didn't think it'd be this bad...
Who could have guessed.
Now, I started this book last week.. and I'm still on page 20.
How absurd is that!!

Anyway.. I really should get a move on with the book..
cus I have a book meeting to attend to coming Sunday..
So that gives me 4 days to read.. another hundred-forty pages to read..
Which isn't that bad if it were a different book..

Well, I guess you're all trying to figure out who the author is..
and what the title of the book is, eh?
Well, tough.. I ain't telling you ;)
I will though.. later on.. when I do finish reading it!

Cheerio for now,
Veronica

Remind myself to write!

Yes, I sure need to do that often.
Though, it's been some tough couple of weeks...
Being a freelance isn't easy, I can tell you that for sure...
But then again, what's not? Eh?
well, last weekend, I went of on an English camp.
Yes, it was a camp to learn English, but no, it wasn't for children.
Though that would've been fun too.
Anyways, it was a weekend, one night-two days kind of a camp.
We were to start off Friday morning and return Saturday after lunch.

So, I volunteered to drive, what can I say.. I love driving.. and it was a long distance drive on the highway, and I wasn't about to pass that up.
Well, so the day before I did a quick check-up for the car, just to make sure nothing was wrong.
And I had a morning class just before we left and it did give me and extra hour before I actually the other teacher that were going to go with me.
Right after I started to head for my morning class, I heard a weird sound coming from my breaks. Now, that didn't feel right. So, after class I went to the auto-repair shop just to make sure.
And they told me I had to change my brake lining. So, I did, took me some time and I was a bit late.. but better save than sorry, right?
So, after getting the brakes fixed, I met up with the teachers..
Guess what!? we took a wrong turn and had to go around and that took us about 30mins.
And we were running late, real late.
Well, I drove as fast I could and tried to get to our meeting spot to meet the other group of teachers, who were in another car.
And we finally did and were well on our way..
It would have been perfect if it ended there..

BUT! there just had to be a BUT...
After about 30mins or more of driving down the highway do our final destination..
I started to smell something weird..well, I just thought it was the smell coming from outside..
and after couple of minutes my accelerator felt weird.
Even though I kept pressing it down the needle of the speedometer wouldn't go up..
What could I do.. but to pull over..
So I did and call the other car that I had to pull over and that something was wrong with my car.
We had no choice but to call the towing company..

Now, car trouble... it just scares me.. with all those accident I had..
I love driving.. but having a car trouble is like getting a heart attack..
Luckily, my engine didn't die. THANK GOD!
But, we were running really late, so we did have to squeeze into the other car and leave my car with this other person(one of our company rep., cus he didn't have to teach)
I didn't want to leave my car in the hands of strangers.. but I didn't really have a choice.. so..
I did.. and we were on time.. sort of.. only 10 mins. late...

we started our 3hours classes starting at 2:10pm and finished at 5:10.
Had our dinner till 6pm started another 3hour class and called it a night.
After my class our rep. told me that he got the car back and was parked right outside the building and told me that it cost around $430. (I don't know if I have to pay the whole thing or if they're going to pay half.. still haven't heard what's going on.. but the rep. paid for it for now.. and the good news is that my car got fixed! Yeahy!)
we had some bonding time after class, talked and talked and talked and I finally went to my room at around 3am woke up at 6am ate breakfast and started another 3hour morning class from 8am til 11am.
And that was the end of the English Camp.

Very intensive.. fun.. great expreience..
Don't really want to repeat it the same way.. but.. it was interesting..
And definitely exhausting!

Darn it!!!

Now I'm pissed.
Just after I received my ticket in the mail today.
They call me up and tell me it's been cancelled!
No explanation, only that it's being rescheduled.
Oh, well, it's just my luck.
I guess I have this Saturday night free now..
Hopefully they will actually reschedule and I'll get to go.

Should I? OR Shouldn't I?

Finally...
After that long trail of thinking..
Should I OR Shouldn't I?
Well, I finally decided on getting it.
And try to enjoy my life a bit..
and let myself enjoy a bit.
I mean what the heck!
We are supposed to live our fullest, right?
Everyday for the past couple of years I don't think I've felt as good as today.
Well, maybe I'm stretching a bit..
but anyways, yup.. I finally decided that I should! Period.

So, what's all this comotion about should and should not?
well, I guess it might not be a big deal for some but.. for me it is!
And I finally decided I should..
hehehe... I'm being so mysterious..
NEway..
Ennio Morricone the famous composer and conductor is coming to Korea with his Roma Symphony.
And I just LOVE & ADORE his music.
He'll be performing for just one day and he's gone..

I guess some part of me tried to talk me out going 'cus of this and that reasons..
But the better half of me one! Hehe.
So I got the ticket and though I am going alone, I'm REALLY excited.
Over-joyed actually.
But I do know I will feel a bit awkward.
(especially when it's time to leave... I think.. oh well)
I know I'm a sucker at doing things alone...
But I thought I needed this time..
to be on my own and do this....
So, I've got my ticket and am counting down the days..
only 2 more days.

Happiness

What is Happiness..
Really..what is it?
I guess I keep thinking about it..
And somehow come to a conclusion..
but then I go back to the question again and again..
In a sense, I feel and know that I am happy.
But not completely..
It seems that there's always something missing.
Don't really know what it is..
can't really put my hand on it..
but I think I'm within reach..
it's just that I can't get a hold of it..
you know how it is..
when you just seem to get a hold of something..
but you loose your grip and it just slips away..
I've been feeling like that lately..
Asking myself too many questions..
maybe that's it..
I'm asking too many questions..
yeah.. that must be it.
I think I'm happy..
but feel like there's something missing.. something really important.....
but then again, I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay..
I could let go of it..
but another part of me is reminding that I should try to remember what it is..
what it is that I'm missing.. forgetting..
it's so confusing....
maybe I should just let it go..
maybe I think too much..
yeah.. that must be it..
or isn't it?

day by day

seconds... minutes... hours...
days... weeks... months... years...
just goes on and on like clock work.
I guess it's doing it's job properly.

Then I look at myself and wonder if I'm doing things
the way I'm supposed to.. whatever that may be....

Though these days..
I'm starting to think that things are somewhat turning out okay.
Compared to last year's total disaster and just endless bad luck..
I'd say I'm doing pretty good, if not absolutely perfect!

So August it is...

Five more months and it'll be 2006!
My.. my...
So, I guess I'm still on the verge of figuring out what to do.
Should I keep walking the path of teaching?
Or just go totally change paths and go somewhere else?
I mean I don't hate teaching.
It's just that it gets SO tiresome after awhile...
But then again.. it's fun all over again.
I guess it'll probably be the same what ever you end up doing.
I feel like I want to study more..
but then I ask myself 'for what?'
And I can't really think of an answer to that either.
Trying to figure out things, I guess, has been what I've been doing the past couple of years.
Trying to figure out what I'm really good at, what I like.
And trying to figure out where I'm coming from and where I'm headed.
Then again, the quest to all this is what life is all about, right?

I started teaching at another corporate company today.
So, that makes two for now.
Hopefully, it'll increase (SOON!)
Anyways, I feel like I've been shutting myself out from things for a long time..
and trying to block things from going out and coming in.
Maybe that has changed a bit.
Maybe I am going through another phase.. a good one hopefully..

It can't be worse than now.. things can't go any worse than now... it just can't!

My 26th Birthday!!!

^^So, today is my 26th Birthday.
Had a great party on the 9th (Saturday) with a bunch of friends.
I guess I needed it.
It was fun and was good to see so many of my friends in one sitting^^
Though there were some that couldn't make it.
The thing is I had a great time.
That's what counts.
I guess next year, I'll be having a smaller party..
But who knows I might make it bigger than this year~ ^^
So, 26 it is...
but the truth is.. I never felt the difference.
Still feel 18..

Politically Incorrect!

I just heard on the radio yesterday that using 'couch potato' would be politically incorrect!
Now, by hearing this, the only thing I could think of was what the hell is the world turning into?

Apparently, what happened was that the British farmer's believe that the word 'couch potato' is harming the image of potatoes. And they want the word to be struck from the Oxford English Dictionary.

Now what image could a potato have.
I mean seriously!!!!

Don't they have better things to do? - like SELLING them!
I mean how could a word damage an image of a potato?
I can't think of anyway of doing it.
And believe me I LOVE potatoes!!!
Even though I use the word 'couch potato'.

If you're interested in the story you can look it up in BBC news.
or just click on the title it's linked.

This is absurd!

Done!!!

So Finals are over and I'm free as a bird!!
Yuppy!!!!!

Well, it does feel weird though.
So now I need to take care of some things that I've been pushing aside since god-knows-when.

First, I have to re-organize my room.
then, re-organize my bookshelves.
Box some of the things that I've been meaning to put away for ages and throw some out while I'm at it.
And then straighten out my schedule, and meet people I've haven't met for ages.
Organize the pictures that me and my sister took in Europe A YEAR AGO!!!
and get them developed.
Write to people and let them know I'm still alive and doing good.
And try to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life... ;) (just kidding!)
So this is what I have to do before we enter July.
Hopefully I'll manage to do most of them if not all.

The End and a New Beginning

So, I'm nearing the end of getting my B.A., finally.
After this week and next. I'm all done.

Graduation exam were okay. I didn't fail or anything.
And I almost forgot about it after taking it in May.
Just got the results last week. It's an 'A' so that's that.
No more worries.
The only thing left now are finals.
Good thing that I'm only taking a few classes.
So, four exams to go and I'm free as a bird. (NOT!)
But it's always good to know it's another end of something and then a new beginning of another is waiting around the corner.

Thinking it's my last time I'll be coming here makes me want to cry but,
I can always visit right?
Thinking back, I really had a great time here.

Right now I have no idea what my new beginning might be, but that's the fun of it, don't you think?
I'm just going to take it slow and easy.
It never did me good to rush things.
So, this time I'm just going to take things on my schedule and time.
I don't want to be pressured by anything.

Well, I should get back to my studies.

so April's gone and it's May already...

Wow~ how time flies, huh?
well, I guess I wasn't able to post everyday in April either.
Though I did my best.. with midterms and all.. ;)
Anyways, it'll be soon Children's day- day after tomorrow - but I'll have to stay home and study for my grad exam, which is by the way, on the 6th.

It's getting hotter everyday and I can't really bare this heat.
I really need to go somewhere and cool off..
though that is just a dream.. right now it wouldn't do me any good.
actually I wouldn't be able to do it if I did have the money or the time.
Well, no matter, I'm still catching up with my studying and reading..

I had a really nice talk with one of my favorite professor yesterday.
I really admire her.
She's such an inspiration and when talking with her, man, she just confirms my believe of nothing, and I mean nothing, is impossible.
I guess I needed the boost.
And I'm really grateful for her thoughtfulness and care..
Should prepare something for her for the coming teacher's day. =)

small dreams, big dreams...

DREAMS...
Well, I think they started big for me.. and kind of diminished along the way.
And I think, it's getting a bit bigger and bigger..
or lets just say I'm building on it.

I had plans, so many plans and spent so many time planning it.
But seeing it scatter into small pieces just in one incident...
in only a matter of seconds..
I think I stopped planning then.
and I think that's when my dreams started shrinking..

and at one point in some sense
I had no dream left. I had nothing.
I don't think I realized it right away that I had no dreams.
I think it took awhile. I don't know how long.
But it did take some time...
for me to realize that there was something wrong.

Maybe I had too much thought in my head and at one point it went blank.

But now I think I've made my turning point again.
I think I've made the right turn again..
and heading towards the right direction.

Who knows?
I might make a wrong turn again..
or something might happen along the way..
but I know I'll always find the right path..
how long it may take..
I know I'll find it.

7th day of April

Wow!
23 Days left till the end of April.
And I have less than a month to study for my grad. exam.
I'm totally wiped out.
Today was one of my crazy day of the week.
Anyways, this kid I'm teaching is driving me nuts!
I really would like to see what's going on in his mind.
It seems that he's only interested in meeting friends.
Now, I don't really have a problem with that.
Normally I wouldn't cus I love my friends, too.
But with him, it's like the only thing that interests him are his friends or the church.
Okay, that's not it. I don't really think it's the church or his friends.
I think it's got more to do with the 'event' of being with friends, and hanging out.
He has no interest in school work (Not that I'd see it as a problem normally cus I didn't either at his age, but I did my work. He doesn't!)
I just need to figure out how to get to him.
And I still can't grasp it.

I'm starting a lecture tomorrow at a company.
'Beginning English Conversation' sounds like fun, only thing is that I need to wake up early =p
I'm pretty excited in starting that class.
Hopefully, I won't have to deal with another one of this kid, since they're all grown ups.=)

Things on my Mind...

First thing first, graduation exam!
that's coming up in exactly a month, 29th of April.
Hopefully, I'll have no difficulties.
then I have the actual graduation to deal with.
(which is the easier part.)

And I need to get this teaching straightened out and running smoothly.

But what's really on my mind is book club.
I really want to make one. But right now I have no idea where to start.
Who to contact and what to do.
I know I won't be able to really run or get the club going until after I graduate.
but then again, I feel the urge to start now so I'll have decent amount of people to gather once I do have the time to start.
Anyways, so making a book club and gathering people for it has been something that's been on my mind ever since the end of last year.

I do know someone who's in a book club, and I thought of joining his..
but then, I only know him and not the rest and they've been doing it for ages.
(though, meeting new people wont be bad..)
feels like I'll be intruding. So that's been out of the question.
Plus, they meet too far away from my place.

I need to figure this out.. sooner than later.
Hopefully, I'll have a book club running by the end of this year.

little brats

okay, that might be a bit too strong a word but then again they are brats! ;)
So I now have one group of four nine-year-old boys and another group of 3 niney-year-old girls. Sometimes adorable but most of the times just pain in the butt!!
Don't get me wrong I DO love to teach these brats but I just get worn out, that's all.
I'll probably have more groups to teach starting this summer but for now.
It's just these two and a junior high kid who does not know how to read English.
He's in his teen and has no idea whatsoever of what he's doing.
and at the same time he doesn't really seem to care he can't read.
Though, I sincerely wish that deep in his heart he does.
So I need to figure out how to get him interested.
And right now, well, I just can't think of any.
I guess I don't really know him well enough to hit the right botton to get him motivated.
Hopefully, I'll find it soon.
Tomorrow will be my fifth class with him.
Wish me Luck!!

Easter

As some may have known and some may not.
It was Easter the past weekend.
Somewhat going-back-to-the-childhood Easter weekend for me.
Yes, it was tiring with the flu and all, but also, it reminded me of the Easter we used to have.
with all the egg colouring, decorating, and hunting.
and of course.. the EASTER BUNNY!!!

we didn't have the hunting and the bunny but it was fun all the same.
mom, sis and me and all the other people from church came over
and started decorating about 200 eggs.
It is a lot, isn't it?
well, I didn't draw much but coloured.
I'm not much of a painter but I know how to fill in spaces with colours.^^;;
well, that's what I did and I did get tired after 10 eggs, I think.
though I think Aram did about 50 of those.
Oh, that reminds me, I should post some of the pictures.

the evil illness with no direct cure

Well, I guess there are several that I could name..
that defines as an evil illness with no direct cure
However, I am talking about this FLU I got.
Now, don't ask me where I got it.
How should I know. I guess it's that time of the season where you just get it.
My heads spinning and I can't think straight.. though I don't think people actually do think straight.. or do they?
And I have that nauseous feeling like I'm going to throw up any minute, though thankfully that has past. I can't eat, well, I can but, can't really taste what I'm eating. So, I wouldn't really know if it really tasted bad.
My throught is so sore that it's hard for me to swallow anything.
Okay, okay, I'm making a big fuss about a tiny flu.
But it does feel awfull.
I hope I'll get over it soon.
And I also hope none of you have to suffer the same kind of flu I'm suffering.

Solitude.. in other words... Isolation!

Well, let's just say, after a long~ and what seemed like an everlasting solitude, in other words cocooning myself up and trying to keep everyone I know out of it - shutting myself completely down - I guess I got myself totally isolated from the world and the people I love and care for.

But then again, knowing me I guess the whole half of last year was my absolute break down period. And in a sense I think I did need that percise period to get over all the pressure and all the bad accidents that happened to me.

So, what's the matter? well, right now, I'm just happy that I'm regaining myself.

What happened during the times I did not write here, and why not write?
(I do ask that myself...)
I should have tried to just let it out and then let it work the rest.
And I know writing has been a good medicine for me.

I guess I was just tired of everything.

Isn't it funny when how everything seems to be so perfect and so good, it just hits you on the head and WHAM! you're just in a slump and everything just comes tumbling down on you?
Half of last year was exactly that.
Just when I was having a great time after the trip to Europe..
Trying to adjust to school life and ease down on the excitement.

I had the biggest disagreement with one of my professor and he wasn't helping much.

Then, I got into a car accident in November (I think it was November or was it end of October?).
To be exact, I hit an eighty-something year-old lady while I was backing out of my parking spot.
The funny thing is that I was paying more attention than I usually do.
The shock and fear, I don't think I could ever explain it.
I can still see her lying there.
motionless...
and the blood.. damn the blood..
I think that's what frightened me the most.
Seeing her lying there and blood oozing out from the side of her temple...
Fortunately and thankfully she's out of the intensive care and doing okay.

And I've been doing okay since this year started..
and getting better..
Hopefully this year won't be as dramatic as the last.